Trains Of Thoughts 

Gena Dry hosted Trains Of Thoughts from The Five Questions You Must Ask Your Therapist for Superbooks! Recorded at the BCAT studio in Brooklyn New York and airs on Time Warner 34 and Cablevision 67

A five minute clip of this half hour show can be viewed on youtube http://youtube.com/watch?v=a0fdYvdLWuI#

 

The full script for the show

 “While I was writing my book I became fascinated with words. In particular one word. The question ‘Why?’ Small word. Big consequences. In my picture, there are words and behind the words is a train of thoughts and underneath the train of thoughts is the line of thinking they are running on. You can see words when they are written down and hear words when they are spoken but you can’t see a train of thoughts and more to the point, you can’t see if the line of thinking they’re running on is positive or negative. The consequences must be worth considering. Just because you can’t see it with your eyes, doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

 

Picture 1 ( I )

“I thought I’d draw my train of thoughts for you. No compartments because I don’t want to compartmentalize my thinking. Lot’s of windows so I can look out and see all the views and possibilities.

Although trains of thoughts are invisible they are real things and while words can conjure up pictures and images, a train of thoughts can take you on a journey, open doors or track down possibilities and other people’s trains of thoughts can jolt you, shunt you, hook onto your train and pull you off track and even derail you. If they in any way narrow your gauge they can cause you harm.” 

Picture 2 ( A )

“At the starting point on a line of thinking a train of thoughts can go one of two ways, it’s either positive or it’s negative. Let’s call the right hand line the positive line. If we’re going to switch lines in the middle of a train of thoughts it seems to be easier to go from positive to negative rather than the other way round especially when we run into a HOW or a BUT. ‘How is that going to happen?’ ‘But it didn’t work before.’

So, if we are going to ask someone else to help us answer our questions about our lives, it must be worth considering where they are coming from, if we want them to help keep us on a positive line of thinking. Because if they’re on a negative line, it’s not going to be good for us and chances are high they’ll pull us off track. They’re not going to say ‘Oh by the way, I am on a negative line of thinking so you might like to disregard everything I tell you.’

If they are a therapist or self development workshop leader or ‘guru’ they are going to tell us that their trains of thoughts are their ‘professional opinion’ and we tend to hand our power over to professionals and believe what they tell us. At the moment, their certificate won’t indicate where their trains of thoughts are coming from and sadly just because a person is in a helping profession, doesn’t mean that their own line of thinking is positive.”

Picture 3 ( W )

“As long as my train is wondering along its track and I am wondering what possibilities there are on the track ahead, I am on a positive line.

It only went pear shaped when I asked the question ‘Why?’ The views from my train windows looked different, everything had been turned to a different angle. I had wondered off track. I believe that asking why is the biggest reason for people’s trains of thoughts WONDERING off track. WONDERING why?”

Picture 4 ( A )

“There is a problem when we ask someone else to answer our questions, although their answer may be a response to our question, it’s still someone else’s train of thought. On my picture you can see clearly, another train is coming from a different direction and will therefore be headed in a different direction and there is a good reason for that. Whatever another person tells us, they are bound to be ‘headed’ a different way, because they’ve had their own ‘training’.

I am not talking about school, or college degrees, I mean the degrees by which their THINKING has been influenced by life. Every experience, everything that has affected their thinking over the years, both positive and negative. Because that is what fuelling their trains of thoughts.

Picture 5 ( ? )

“I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but the question ‘Why?’ has a big hook in it.

If you’re asking why about your life, another person can take your question and use it as a hook, to hook you onto their train of thoughts and take you where they want you to go. They may want to make sure you don’t get above your station or make sure you don’t overtake them and leave them behind. If they are a therapist they can use their answers to hook you and make sure you keep going back for more sessions so they get a regular client and income.

If you answer your own questions about your life, there is still a big hook actually in the question ‘Why?’ There are a million answers to why which may or may not be true. In the end, God only knows why. When you ask why, there’s a catch because it implies there is one, definitive, RIGHT ANSWER. The right angle. It only takes four right angles to make a box. You’re in danger of putting your answers in box, narrowing down your answer to one possible answer. As though if you knew the possible answer to why, you could back track. You could go back down your line of thinking and fix the fault on the line. But you can’t go back in life, you can only move forward and look for possibilities. And the more possibilities you have, the higher your chances of catching one that works for you.”

Picture 6 ( M )

“My question. When I went to a therapist I was asking why I was lacking the confidence to sing, when I wanted to be a singer.

He told me I had to ask why my childhood was so difficult

And why I was so angry about my childhood. 

And my train got turned over. Notice how there are no windows to look for possibilities to my original question from this angle. It’s upside down.”

Picture 7 ( T )

“I wasn’t going in the direction I wanted to go in anymore. I’d been sent along a different track. It’s a decline and it goes into a tunnel. Very quickly I was in someone else’s tunnel vision thinking.

I had to ask more why questions. BUT not about how I could become a better singer, but about my childhood. WHY WHY WHY about my childhood. WHY WHY WHY, say it enough times, it even sounds like a whine.

You see here’s the thing. Asking ‘Why?’ is all about the past. ‘Why did that happen?’ We don’t ask why will that happen, we ask what if that will happen when we talk about the future. What if is the question that links to the future when it’s used with what will happen in mind.  And why links the thinker to the past. But CHANGE doesn’t happen in the past, we can’t change the past, only our view or perspective of it, but that happens in the present. We can change our future, but that doesn’t happen in the future or in the past, it happens in the present. So asking why is a detour from the place we need to be to make changes in our lives. The present.

In this tunnel vision thinking, I lost sight of my original question and I lost my confidence completely. I was sold on the line, finding the answer takes TIME. That was years, twice a week and at $100 an hour, it was quite a lot of TIME, in my book. The answer at the end of it, had only been an answer for my therapist who cashed in, by instructing me to ask why over and over and go past the point where change happens.  In the present. My answer in the end didn’t take a lot of TIME, when I asked the right question.”

Picture 8 ( Y )

“The Y question is a junction. The way I was going was positive. I wanted knowledge. The question why can be a positive question when we’re searching for knowledge but when we are talking about questions about our lives, it’s tricky.  

When I started asking why, I was diverted. It wasn’t positive because it wasn’t just that I had to endlessly question my childhood, it was someone else’s view of my childhood that I had to question. ‘Why, you’re angry you’re just suppressing it.’ He told me.  

The therapy jargon ‘If you don’t admit you are angry you must be suppressing your emotions’ is possibly one of the most misused and harmful phrases that ever came from therapy jargon becoming part of our language. It’s a ‘hot wire to a compression chamber sentence’ because if you allow being told you are feeling something you are not to wind you up, or you end up angry, not for the reason you are being accused of but because being goaded is annoying, your reaction will be misinterpreted. Or if you answer by saying you are not angry, apparently you are lying or not smart enough to admit it to yourself. You are either in denial or it’s transference. The only thing being denied was the transference of my money into his bank account for being thrown out of balance. I fell flat. I didn’t realise it was because I had NO CHOICE. I had to admit I was angry or admit that I was angry underneath it all, where’s the choice in that? It’s a catch 22.  I couldn’t win however I responded, but it did leave me feeling flat. Perhaps that is what my therapist meant by depression, being pressed by someone you are dependant on into a double bind.

I couldn’t see that I was angry about my childhood but I believed the ‘professional’s’ words instead of trusting my own picture. I couldn’t see it there in my past until the professional started painting my picture for me. It never felt right but I listened to the words instead of watching the picture. If I’d taken my picture as well as his words into consideration, I might have noticed that it was a railroad switch. It happened so smoothly and so silently, my therapist didn’t ask ‘Do you mind if I use my train of thoughts to hook onto you and pull you off track?’ obviously I’d have said no, so I was switched off my track and taken down, into a railroad siding.”

Picture 9 ( O )

“Where I was stuck going round and round for years. It was like my train of thoughts was on a turntable only I couldn’t get off. Going round and round in circles is painful, have you noticed that? Funnily enough this picture is a good representation. I was going round in circles and getting more and more cross. But not with my childhood but because my picture wasn’t being believed and that made me doubt myself and every time he disagreed with me I doubted myself more. Because he ‘knew’ his opinion was ‘right’ and he was in a position of authority in my life, that made me wrong and I had no choice but to question my own opinion. It was like a bucket of cold water being thrown over my head, and my mind filled up with doubt. A mind full of doubt is a painful place to be, and it’s hard to get out of.” 

Picture 10 ( H ) 

“It was a rock and a Hard with a capital H, place to get out of.  

A train of thoughts could be an Orient Express, a luxury ride to new destinations. Or it could be a Yellow Train journey, that’s a train in France, it might proceed with a little caution but it’s open, with possible dramatic views as the train climbs along twisting tracks. It’s a lot better than being forced to become a shuttle, in the dark, going backwards and forwards with the same old scenery making it appear as though life is limited to only one view. I had NO VIEWS. Once you can’t see any different views you’re in trouble. Isn’t that how wars happen and terrorism and racism, when we can’t see another person’s point of view?  

But also, when you can’t see views and possibilities, it’s hard to believe that anything good is going to happen, it’s hard to make a change because we like to see in our reality before we believe.” 

Picture 11 ( N ) 

“Once I have NO VIEWS from my train, all my trains are turned on their heads.  

They are not going anywhere.  

Once I was seduced into thinking that someone else’s train of thoughts was the right train of thoughts, questions, answers, everything was missing the point. I’d been derailed. My therapist turned all my thinking to the past. I have to point out that my therapist wasn’t a good person and there are people who are good. But he pulled me into only looking for the negative. What wasn’t nice, events, people, and EVERYTHING was NO GOOD when I was looking at the point of view from his train.  

If NO GOOD is all you see in your life in the past, it’s difficult to look past that and see your life in the future as anything but NO GOOD. The base of my thinking had been remodelled on NO with a capital N. In my mind I became certain that NO was all life had in store for me. I had NO choice in the matter. There is NO way out from there. Not until you figure out the way out, is not to ask more why questions.  

Pointing to picture is not the same as drawing a picture. When a person points, even if you’re standing right next to them, you can’t always see what they can see. You could spend hours and hours looking for their point. It might save TIME if a person is allowed to draw their own picture. Maybe the only help they need is how to find the starting point, the place where they went off track and a key to getting back on their own track, via their own line of thinking. It’s crucial if they want to continue on their own journey and get ahead.   

In my experience, if you keep asking why questions, you’re in danger of ending up with your trains of thoughts on their heads instead of getting you ahead. It’s NO answer, in my book.”  

Picture 12 ( I ) 

“I had forgotten what my original train looked like. I quite liked it there. At least it had some windows and I could see some possibilities on the track ahead. And it was going somewhere. I WONDER what the key was?”

 Picture 13 ( U ) 

“It’s possible to do a U turn and get off the negative line of thinking. By understanding where a train of thoughts can be headed, that thinking negatively isn’t going to get you where you want to go and that it’s your choice to go in a different direction. But if you are on a negative line of thinking, you have to unhook yourself from the habit of asking why. Why is an automatic response to being in pain, ‘Why did that happen?’ and why is an automatic response to things not working out ‘Why has that been that happening?’ or ‘Why did that person do that?’

 Remember, if you want to unhook yourself, there are always two ways a line of thinking can go.”

 Picture 14 ( R )

 “And ‘Why?’ can be big fat RED HERRING on the line. My train ground to a halt because there was a big fat RED HERRING on the line. My therapist wasn’t dealing with the real issue which was that I was asking the wrong question. Asking why I lacked confidence was a RED HERRING. As I would never really know why, it didn’t really matter why. What did matter was what I did about it. And having therapy wasn’t about doing, it was about talking about the past. But action can’t happen in the past. Action can only happen in the present.

 All we were doing was talking about the RED HERRING. And nothing happened. For years. I didn’t notice I was in a NO CHOICE NO VIEWS NO GOOD mentality and the RED HERRING was feeding it. I blamed the life I could see from my window. Box. The boxed in view. But you know, views can change.

 Picture 15 ( A )

 “So what was the answer? I could only tell once I was back on my own track and looking back. Not at my past. But at the LINE OF THINKING I’d been on. The line of thinking, the way I’d been taught to think. The one that kept me going round and round in circles instead of helping me get where I wanted to go. His words that he would ‘help me get ahead in my life’ did NOT match his line of thinking, where he was coming from. 

If we can’t change the past but we can change the future and asking why is the question we ask when we’re talking about the past and what if is the question we ask when we are referring to the future.

I decided to ask WHAT IF?

What if is the line of thinking where change happens.

What if helped me come up with a list of possibilities and find my own answer.

What if signposted a new destination.

My own trains of thoughts had the answer all along.”

 Picture 16 ( F )

“If you follow it, asking ‘What if?’ leads to possibilities. It’s going to open up new lines of thought.

Five is a good number to ask. It’s enough for the train of thought to develop. I seem to arrive at the ring of truth on the fifth question.

Five ‘What if?’ questions, that’s the train of thought I get on when I get stuck. You’d be amazed at what will come to you when you’re on that train of thought.

When I asked why I lacked confidence, we’ve seen where that went, or rather didn’t go. But when I asked ‘What if?’…”

  Picture 16B

 “First of all, the RED HERRING went offline. It enabled me to see things from a different view and as I looked from a different view,  the train of thought developed.

What if a lack of confidence was normal considering my age and lack of experience?

What if there was absolutely nothing wrong with me?

What if all I had to do was to continue practicing with my band, recording and performing?

What if I would get good if I spent my time practicing and playing?

What if that was how every artist got to be good, by doing it?

I think there’s a ring of truth to that.”

 Picture 17 ( R )

 “The first question in my book, The Five Questions You Must Ask Your Therapist, is “Are You Asking The ‘Right’ Question?’ The word right can be seen two ways. Another person’s opinion of what is right, or what will help you find out what is right for you are very different versions of ‘right’. So is looking for the RIGHT ANSWER.

If you want something to change and you’ve been asking a lot of why questions, how about sending the whining big fat RED HERRINGS offline? How about turning your why question into a what if question and seeing how you can about turn your line of thinking? You might like to take a look from a different view and make your own mind up.

Now, the answer has to be positive, and there is an art to that. Turning ‘Why am I dissatisfied with my work?’ into ‘What if there is no hope I’ll ever have a career?’

Huummm, life is going to come back with a big fat NO.

Please note, it’s important to leave all words with NT out, can’t won’t shan’t shouldn’t couldn’t isn’t and big fat NO’s. If you find it difficult to stay on a positive line of thinking, at least if you try ‘What if there is hope if I, go back to college, get a different job, move departments or even move my desk to the other side of the office? that will open up new lines of thinking and it will open up a different conversation. New trains of thoughts may well appear on the line. And who knows what may develop once new views are in your picture?

If you take an action, however small, something will happen. It’s the law of the Universe. Move something over here and something over there has to move. It may only be a slight change but it’s a small step in the right direction. Look at picture 2, at the starting point, the scenery looks the same whichever line is taken, but further down the line, you can see if you stay on the line, there will be a big difference.

If you want to find your own possibilities, your own answers, take your why question and turn it around, turn it into a what if question and ask another four what if questions so you have FIVE what if questions and see what happens. What if you gave it a go? What have you got to lose? It’s better than going round in circles. And there is the possibility that you may find yourself headed in a new direction.”

 Picture 18 ( T )

“As you are going to be on one train of thought or another all day long. It makes sense to pick good ones. One where you can see possibilities on the track ahead, not a dead end. However, if you do run into a dead end, it’s not so difficult to get past, if you turn your picture and look from a different view and head in a different direction.

If the journey is the destination, it’s a good idea to not allow yourself to be closed in but to keep looking for possibilities and ways to move forward.” 

Picture 19 ( S )

“I am not Picasso, just because I don’t draw like I’ve have been told an artist would draw doesn’t mean I should rule my picture out, just because I don’t follow the rules. If you draw a picture, it can help you draw a conclusion.

Everyone has an image come to mind when I mention a train of thoughts. If you drew a train of thoughts it would look different to mine. We all have our own unique picture. In that sense we are all gifted.

Is it a link to other carriages?

Or a snake to tie you down?

Or do you see something else? How you see it, is what matters.

All five senses are a link to the ring of truth for you, your gut feeling. It’s a way of ‘seeing’ past the words to what’s behind it. Your STYLE of interpreting your senses is what matters. Your ‘picture’ will guide you.”

 Picture 20 ( I )

“In my picture, trains of thoughts and the lines they are running on are invisible. You can’t see them with your eyes. How you draw a picture of that image, is your STYLE.

When I asked why, it seemed to be a licence for everyone to chip in and drive me in the direction they wanted me to go in. When I asked what if questions, it somehow seemed to be harder for other people to answer. It’s as if ‘What if?’ connects to MY STYLE, my own sense of what is right for me and other people can run their trains along side mine, they may or may not agree with me, but they can’t pull me off track so easily when I am on that line of thinking.

I want to be on the train called ‘What if?’

Because a Train Ride Is Always Negative, if it’s not yours. Your Own Understanding and Reasoning. To stay on a positive line of thinking, ask a question that AIMS the train, that gives Answers In My Style.

Because that’s the way forward.”

 

 Scatter picture

WHAT IF? AIMS YOUR TRAIN

 “I was able to make sense of my experience once I drew a picture of what I could ‘see’ behind the words.

 Once I saw the picture behind the words.

 And the words which were spelt out very clearly by the pictures.”

 

 

 

Trains Of Thoughts © Gena Dry 2007
All rights reserved photos may not be reproduced without permission of Gena Dry